Sometimes people leave you / Halfway through the woods

At this time of year, as January gives way to February, I always rest a bit in grief and the recollection of loss. No one makes it through adulthood without having experienced the heaviness of loved ones who left this life. In Stephen Sondheim’s gorgeous “No One Is Alone” from Into the Woods, we have these lyrics, offering reassurance alongside the acknowledgement of loss:

“No one is alone, truly
No one is alone

Sometimes people leave you
Halfway through the wood“

And it’s this duality, that we’re not alone–but also, heartbreakingly, we’re forced to go on without some of the ones who filled our lives with love and meaning–that offers the only consolation we have.

Sometimes it’s not enough.

This week, it has been enough for me, but I’ve been in touch with folks who are in the midst of grief and loss that feels–that is, for now–unbearable. And sitting with that is hard. I so wish I could do more for them. Rituals help. I like the idea of shiva, of sitting with mourners through the first week of their loss, when the grief-stricken have lost their moorings. Presence matters.

And I always prepare food, because baking and cooking consoles me and even if the meals pile up in the freezers of the bereaved, who are not hungry, eventually there will be a day when a loaf of bread or a stew will be welcome.

Mystery novels, my usual topic, don’t pause over the grief for very long.

In general, I think, those of us who are not affected would like to hurry past the many months that feel grey and heavy. Daily life goes on, for everyone else. We would like to comfort the bereaved by having them join us, again, in trivialities and routines. But they’re on the other side of the glass, for a time. That’s a lonely place to be.

I’m going to take a few months away from this blog to finish up a pile of projects that have pressing deadlines.

My college community is re-committing itself to supporting survivors of violence, and we have a range of ideas about how we can do that.

See you all in the spring.